I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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