is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
