i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
