Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
