It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
