do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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