Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
