I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My vagina just clenched in fear
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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