I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
