hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just invented taco cereal.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
