he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
