And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
