Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
