I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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