Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
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