I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
