You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
