I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
