I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why do cheetos always look like penises
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
