You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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