Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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