I'm gonna have a badass scar
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think my vagina is haunted
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
