If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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