he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
