I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
