I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
