Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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