I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
