Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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