i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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