I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
