It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My vagina is officially offended.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
