Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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