He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
