1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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