Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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