i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it's like iHOP with fire
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
