All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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