No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
