either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
