I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
