all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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