I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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