Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
