How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He felt like a one man threesome
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
