Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
