I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
