life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
