Im at strip club and am horny
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
