how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
