You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
