I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
