I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
