hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
