I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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