so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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