remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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