I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
