Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
