I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
