Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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